Blah blah blah

Words are phenomenal.

They are rich, lush, fragrant, shiny, hefty, weighty, corpulent, loaded, subtle flexible, shifty, deft, forceful – yet for all their obvious power, they can be muddy, murky, shady, fraught with innuendo and double entendre.

They make it all the more tempting to read between the lines, are found written on walls (how foreboding!). They’re as clear as day and as dark as night.

For all their strength, they can be fragile and seemingly everyone’s word can be so easily broken.

They are the most graceful and soft of things, and the harshest and cruelest of weapons. They are sweet, delicious, succulent and lusty - they are harsh, sharp, battering, brutal, malicious and cutting. They are rapier sharp and ethereal whispers.

Words mean something. Or they can mean nothing at all, mere gaps in between silences.

(This past week has been a powerful lesson in words…words in all their glorious paradox.)

Ratios

My girlfriends make me laugh – granted they also provide a dearth of opportunity to reflect on interesting philosophical questions that I’d probably skip over because who *really* spends their time thinking about the ratio of people one kisses to the people one boinks.

Yup, that is the question du jour. Hell, I might as well just put up the email exchange, because it’s much more to the point than my weak-ass attempts at summarizing it.

From: Girlie friend
Subject: disturbing fact

Last night I was thinking about all kinds of things having to do with intimacy. I was bothered when I thought "who was the last person I kissed but didn't sleep with?"I can remember two in the last 3 years.Only two. The rest of them I slept with. This is driving me crazy... am I such a slut? Or am I too scared of someone kissing me? WTF? The numbers should be more like you sleep with 10% of the people you kiss. For me, it's like 95%.

From: Me 8-)
Subject: Re: disturbing fact

Wow...this is an interesting question and really indicative of what actually *is* intimate to you (of course I'm thinking of my own track record, and I'm stumbling here, too).

Nah, you're not a slut. I'd be a slut, too, if that were the case. The last guy I kissed I haven't *yet* slept with (it's in the cards, it's just a matter of time) and I mean really kissed. (I kiss a LOT. Hell, last night I kissed five different men right on the mouth and none of them are going to be sharing my bed anytime soon if ever.) But the ones I really, really embraced, yeah, I've slept with all of them save one.

And that gets me to thinking that I only really truly share a phenomenal kiss with the men I *want* to sleep with. That for me, kissing is an indication of my desire to share physical and emotional intimacy. Perhaps that's the same for you...and in that case, wouldn't I really want it to be 100% of those that I kissed like that I slept with? Yeah, I think so.

I'm getting to the point where I only want to really share that kind of emotional and physical vulnerability with someone I absolutely want to share my bed with...so my numbers would be skewed. Why bother really kissing someone I don't want to end up horizontal with? It's just a waste of energy...so when you say that you've slept with those men you really kissed, I'm thinking cool...she's not kissing for sport, she's kissing for purpose. Reminds me that I prefer kissing when it has intention behind it rather than just a way to pass some time or make a date less awkward.

Kissing is powerful - it's much, much more intimate than sex. It involves breath and trust and connection and hearts beating next to one another. It's the thing that when you're having sex, actually closes the circle of connection: bodies joined and mouths joined create that perfect circle. It's an essential component of intimacy - it's the beginning and the end of intimacy. To me, it's not a casual thing to engage in, and it's the first step to sharing a deeper physical connection. So with that, I'd say that if you were kissing without the intention of fulfilling that physical connection, then you'd just be a tease and a slut.

From: Girlie friend
Subject: Re:re: disturbing fact

I laughed when you talked about kissing for sport to make a date less awkward... kissing is the most awkward and awful part of a date. There are two moments in a typical date that I hate... when the server brings the check and it's sitting on the table with a big question mark over it and the awkward moment when it's time to say goodbye and collect your good night kiss.

I feel better after reading your thoughts. I am picky enough that I don't kiss around, and when I do share a kiss with someone it is an indication that I am open to more than just that kiss.

xoxo!

Now really, after that exchange, I’ve managed to justify my bedding record, slither out of a pejorative label AND articulate my philosophy on why guys really ought to appreciate kissing more than most do without actually coming out and saying it. Whoops, that cat’s out of the bag.

In any case, it’s stuff like this that makes me happy – and if I get a good giggle out of it, it’s a goldmine.