Au revoir les desires des enfants... Ciao 2008
I don’t really want to fall prey to the cliché approach of doing a year-end review of good ol’ 2008….but it was one hell of a year. Eh, I can’t do a breakdown of what was what and when it was, but I can say that one of the most profound lesson’s I managed to learn in the past 12 month is that I get exactly what I want – just never in the way I want it.
Take, for example, time of from work. I wanted it badly – oh, so badly. Just some time to relax, kick back, get grounded. I’m pretty sure my craving for that time would have lead me to sell what little bit of soul I have. Well, I got it. Lots of it.
I actually do end up not working the last two months of the year, and don’t have to work the first two months of 2009 – and I still get a paycheck. How’s that? Back surgery. I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing excruciating pain, chronic discomfort, and general misery for a good solid month (and it turned what was supposed to be a sexy vacation into something equating a nightmare – I’ll have to get the verdict from the other party to make it official, but I suspect he’d whole-heartedly agree with my assessment). Not to mention the fun of post-surgical recuperation and physical therapy where I had (or rather have – it’s still very much a present tense experience) to learn how to walk *properly* instead of the duck-like way I had been doing for the last 33 years. There’s also the disturbing haze of opiate pain killers and my now defunct, completely poisoned, and surely permanently damaged liver (anyone care to compare Ibuprophen overdose experiences? Anyone?).
Needless to say the time I have out of the office is now spent mending my body, which still amounts to a whole lotta work – or working out. I got what I wanted, but I didn’t expect I’d get it quite like this.
I admit to spending a good chunk of 2008 craving affection, sexual attraction, intellectual stimulation and lots of sex. Oddly enough I got it – it just happened to come in the form of a very long-distance something or other. It’s not the easiest affair to conduct, but I can’t say I haven’t been satisfied with it so far. I would have loved to have had a geographically convenient lover. Instead, he’s miles (3500 of them) away. So, I’ve learned to take pleasure in hearing him whisper sweet, nasty things in my ear on the phone rather than feel his breath on the back of my neck. I’ve grown thankful for the chance to learn about him during 4 hour phone conversations on a Friday night instead of not talking while sitting next to him in a movie theater.
Nothing compares to actually being next to him, to watch him move, to listen to his voice inches away, to taste him, to smell him, to look up from a book to find his eyes already on me, to hold his hand, or to feel him inside me. However, those experiences are rendered all the more potent and poignant because of the physical distance. I wonder if I would ever know the profound pleasure of being with him if I didn’t know the distinct difficulty of being apart from him. If only I had some witty quip to deprecate this sappy paragraph, but I’ve been rendered a softy. Damn. I guess that’s what caring for someone does to you.
Before I fully embark on creating my wish list for 2009 a little voice whispers to me that I might take a moment to remember that getting what I want apparently comes at a rather high price. Time to cue the music, as I’m reminded by the great philosopher Mick Jagger and his mate Keith Richards that ya can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need…..
Righto. What do I need this next year? Hm…. Best tread carefully.
Take, for example, time of from work. I wanted it badly – oh, so badly. Just some time to relax, kick back, get grounded. I’m pretty sure my craving for that time would have lead me to sell what little bit of soul I have. Well, I got it. Lots of it.
I actually do end up not working the last two months of the year, and don’t have to work the first two months of 2009 – and I still get a paycheck. How’s that? Back surgery. I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing excruciating pain, chronic discomfort, and general misery for a good solid month (and it turned what was supposed to be a sexy vacation into something equating a nightmare – I’ll have to get the verdict from the other party to make it official, but I suspect he’d whole-heartedly agree with my assessment). Not to mention the fun of post-surgical recuperation and physical therapy where I had (or rather have – it’s still very much a present tense experience) to learn how to walk *properly* instead of the duck-like way I had been doing for the last 33 years. There’s also the disturbing haze of opiate pain killers and my now defunct, completely poisoned, and surely permanently damaged liver (anyone care to compare Ibuprophen overdose experiences? Anyone?).
Needless to say the time I have out of the office is now spent mending my body, which still amounts to a whole lotta work – or working out. I got what I wanted, but I didn’t expect I’d get it quite like this.
I admit to spending a good chunk of 2008 craving affection, sexual attraction, intellectual stimulation and lots of sex. Oddly enough I got it – it just happened to come in the form of a very long-distance something or other. It’s not the easiest affair to conduct, but I can’t say I haven’t been satisfied with it so far. I would have loved to have had a geographically convenient lover. Instead, he’s miles (3500 of them) away. So, I’ve learned to take pleasure in hearing him whisper sweet, nasty things in my ear on the phone rather than feel his breath on the back of my neck. I’ve grown thankful for the chance to learn about him during 4 hour phone conversations on a Friday night instead of not talking while sitting next to him in a movie theater.
Nothing compares to actually being next to him, to watch him move, to listen to his voice inches away, to taste him, to smell him, to look up from a book to find his eyes already on me, to hold his hand, or to feel him inside me. However, those experiences are rendered all the more potent and poignant because of the physical distance. I wonder if I would ever know the profound pleasure of being with him if I didn’t know the distinct difficulty of being apart from him. If only I had some witty quip to deprecate this sappy paragraph, but I’ve been rendered a softy. Damn. I guess that’s what caring for someone does to you.
Before I fully embark on creating my wish list for 2009 a little voice whispers to me that I might take a moment to remember that getting what I want apparently comes at a rather high price. Time to cue the music, as I’m reminded by the great philosopher Mick Jagger and his mate Keith Richards that ya can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need…..
Righto. What do I need this next year? Hm…. Best tread carefully.
posted by annaghela at 7:30 PM
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