Ruminations....

I recently had a friend ask a few questions that gave me pause for thought. It’s been a while since I’ve had to articulate some of the more meta values in my life; I couldn’t pass it up. For what it’s worth, this is what I managed to convey. Forgive the Q&A format – I couldn’t interrupt its natural flow.

I had one of those little ah-ha moments the other evening, and it's an old idea, one that every one knows but that I'd forgotten: Follow Your Bliss. Felt amazing to really embrace the idea, and then disaster struck when I realized I haven't the foggiest clue what my bliss is. It's a mission statement of sorts, one that never fails to inspire and resonate as absolute truth - it's just a bit of a challenge when one hasn't figured out what brings their bliss (I fall into that category).

Whatever that bliss is, though, you ought to take advantage of every opportunity to bring yourself closer to what you love to do.

You never know what kind of people you'll meet who will be happy to help you further down the road to meet your dreams. You never know what kind of experiences you'll have that will open your eyes to some of the pitfalls of your aspirations, or the advantages you never knew about.

Q. What are some interests or goals that you are working towards right now?

My goals have changed over the years - have diversified, have faded, have morphed into things I never imagined I'd do. I'm waiting for the Foreign Service to come through because I'd like to experience life abroad on a more permanent basis again. I miss the lifestyle I grew up in and I want it back - so the FS is a means of getting closer to it.

I dream of writing a book - what kind of book I haven't any idea - but the notion of putting words to paper that carry meaning, that will have impact, that will be like a child (a legacy) means everything to me. I've tried to get into workshops but have struggled to make schedules mesh. It's something I ought to prioritize, and I will eventually, but I kick myself every day that passes and I haven't made a step toward becoming a proper author.

I want to find clarity and someone to share it with - but that goal is incredibly elusive and it requires the happy participation of a second party (partner) over whom I have little to no influence and I'm honestly trying to figure out how much of a priority/goal it really is.

Q. How does motivation change over the years?

I don't know how it is for most people, but for me it became not about the accomplishment aspect but about the quality of the experience. I approached activities, things, people more in a way of making the encounter as rich as possible instead of just ticking off the experience as something I've done and not really mining it for all it was worth. I suppose my motivation has become about quality rather than quantity (although you never really divorce yourself from the notion of racking up as many interesting experiences as possible). As motivation shifts, so do priorities, and as with all things, they can evolve into things we can't imagine.

My motivation has changed from having glamorous things and stories to share (experiences) into being more concerned with being content, sleeping soundly at night, sharing intimacy and true connection with the people I love, solidifying friendships, being able to recognize my feelings and desires and being able to satisfy those wants and needs. I've become selfish in a different kind of way (I think we all remain selfish, but the nature of the selfishness changes, if that makes any sense) that feels richer and less concerned about outward appearances (getting outside validation - validation from others) and more satisfyingly self-centric (becoming more real to myself, becoming more familiar with how I work, becoming more grounded and centered). Perhaps that's an aspect of motivation as well....but it certainly is something I've noticed and found important.

Q. What is the next thing you look forward to, or do you feel you've plateaued and are now looking for something new?

Have I plateaued? Sure have. Am I frustrated by it? Of course. It's something that gnaws at me every day. I'm certainly looking for something new. I do believe there are times in your life when you'll need to do some serious reflection - the past year has been one of those times for me - and although it's proved fruitful in some cases, there is still more I need to figure out. Those moments of reflection are little plateaus, and they're important to prepare you for the next uphill climb. I'm not angry that they exist, I'm grateful because I've found value in being able to appreciate what is rather than feeling obligated to change it.